Voices in my head

Today I want to talk about the voices in my head. 

Some of you probably already think I am mad ... those of you who know me. Others may just look at my ravings and wonder. But I know that if I have voices in my head, so do you! I am not alone in this.

And these voices – well sometimes they’re fun companions urging me on to jump in puddles, kick autumn leaves, have another drink, talk to a stranger. But other times they speak in malevolent whispers. Who do you think you are? What made you think you could do that? You’ve got to be kidding, you’re not good enough ... 

Do these sound familiar?

I read a book some time back where the principal character was followed around by an imaginary dog that represented her self-pity. Whenever she was feeling low, or something didn’t go right, she could hear him whining and whimpering. 

Well, I’m putting my dog on notice. No whining and whimpering allowed. There is no place for negative voices in my head. From now on I can do it, I am good enough, and what makes you think you should question me? Haven’t you seen what I’ve achieved?

It’s time for me to focus on why I should, not why I shouldn’t.

Sorry about the dog, but he’s got to change his behaviour, or he’s got to go (I’m hoping he will change because I am rather fond of him).

What to do now?

What to do now? A question I ask myself a thousand times a day. With 'now' meaning a load of different things from 'right this minute' to 'for the rest of my life'!

Every now and then the possibilities overwhelm me. There are so many options. Just think about it ...

Thinking about setting up a business? The internet has opened up opportunities that didn’t exist 10, or even 5 years, ago. What talents can I use? I start a list and soon find myself with so many options I can’t make a choice. Write some ebooks, teach English, freelance writing, editing – writing seems to be a theme but now I need a niche. Silent scream.

I decide to stick to the day job a little longer and think about what to read in my spare time. I’ve decided that six bookcases full of books – well, it’s somewhat excessive for one person and I need to cull the collection. But where to start? Of course, I can’t remove anything without re-reading it. So, fiction or non-fiction, light or literary, European, Asian or Antipodean ...? Too many choices. Maybe I’ll work on the holiday planning.

The countries are decided. I had help with that ... So we have a list. Macedonia, Serbia, Croatia and the Czech Republic. But only two weeks. And in each of those countries there’s so much to see, so much to do. Then there's the question of which websites to trust for travel information.

Maybe it’s time I cooked dinner – but of course, a rummage in the kitchen means more choices, more decisions.

I am now completely overwhelmed. Maybe I’ll just distract myself by writing a blog entry – and asking for advise. What do you do when you’re confronted by so many choices that you can’t make a choice?

I have ground to a halt. I am wasting time doing trivial things to avoid making decisions about the things that will make a difference.

Perhaps I should read some self-help books ... that might be a place to start.

I want to break free

I know some of my older readers will remember Freddie Mercury and this wonderful Queen song. I've been reflecting recently about how many barriers we create for ourselves to prevent ourselves breaking free. Why is it that people need to feel safe and secure, even when it's clearly not making them happy and is, on occasion, even damaging them?

How can we remove the bars that cage us and take action to go to another place in life? What is the worst that can happen?

Any thoughts, encouragement, random hints, etc. welcome.

I know it will be worth it in the end.

My year of living differently - progress report

This year I decided I would live differently.

Many people seem to engage with their lives. But there are those amongst us who don't know how to do that, who have found it an ongoing struggle to face our fears.

Now I want to surprise myself. Often. I want to embrace courage, and much else besides. In recent months I have thought about the things I've never done and the things that I had stopped doing and wanted to do again, and the things that had never even crossed my mind. Even small steps are incredibly liberating. Savour the moment when you say to yourself, "I was amazing. Can you believe I did that?"

I decided to live and to live the Nike slogan - Just do it.

If you're facing fears and wondering if you can change, give it a go. Turn away from the idea that people are judging you. It could be that they are, but do they matter? Does their opinion matter enough to stop you from stepping up to life?

A friend recently told me that age 46 is when things turn around - the point when we make the shift from trying to please too many to a point where we realise that we are strong, beautiful people no matter what others think. It's the time when we are free of trying to impress others and just want to make sure that we wring each valuable molecule of living from the sponges around us.

Just do it.

Let me know how it goes ...